Remembering Our Girlie's Past Birthdays

Another birthday is coming up, and I just wanted to take the time to reminisce for my own sake. I cannot believe I became a mother to this sweet girl nearly 5 years ago! I am so blessed to have her in my life. She is full of love for people and animals. She works hard at whatever she's learning, be it gymnastics, art, or our homeschool poems and songs. She enjoys playing board games, dolls, dress up, gymnastics, playing with friends, and being read to or "reading" books. Really stories of any kind! She enjoys being helpful around the house and with the cats. She also gets frustrated with the cats like she would if she had younger siblings. She likes being outside whether it's on nature walks, playing in the yard, swinging, playing with friends, helping me in the garden, riding her balance bike, or even just lying in the grass looking at the clouds. She's super independent while she also loves snuggling up with me or her dad. 

"Birth" day!!

1 year old

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old

Some Days Are Hard (CHD style)

Y'all, some days, having a congenital heart defect (CHD) is hard! Most days it's not an issue. I know what my body needs and how to take care of myself. After all, I've had it all my life. But today...today was hard!

I've noticed two terms floating around the CHD community: survivor and warrior. I'll be honest, I consider myself a warrior. I didn't survive this defect; I was made a warrior by this defect. I literally fought for my life twice on the operating table as a child. I didn't survive those surgeries; I was strengthened by them! I fight every damn day for my health and fitness. I fought to have the birth that I wanted. I fight to keep anxiety at bay if my thoughts wonder to what could happen if something goes wrong.

Like a warrior, I make sacrifices every day: some big, some small, most things that heart healthy people don't have to consider. I made the decision (along with my husband, of course) that having a second child is not worth the risk to my heart and my health. I want to be an active, healthy parent to the active, heart healthy daughter that we have. This is absolutely the right choice for us, but it is not always easy. I limit my coffee consumption, so I don't overstimulate my heart. I limit my alcohol consumption (and typically avoid it), because it's just not healthy for the heart. I stay away from the most basic pain medication, because there are studies that contraindicate them for someone with a defect like mine. I really pace myself when starting new workout programs, because I can get awful exercise-induced headaches if I go all out right away (no time for that as a mom! plus they hurt!). I'm careful about getting into situations where I get overheated, too hungry, or too cold, because my heart just can't deal with those extremes while still getting blood to all the places it needs to be.

I share all of these things, not to complain, but to share what I think is my strength. Like I said earlier, I've lived with this defect all my life. It's par for the course, and I think it forces me to be healthier than I would otherwise. Having a heart defect can be a real gift. I have to know my body. I have to work with my body. It's kind of amazing to know all of the things my body can do, because I've been tested and I've come out of each test feeling stronger and more aware than before.

So if it's this gift, if I see myself as this strong warrior; why was today hard? Well, I let someone in, and all they could see was weakness. I have fought so hard, but some people just can't see past their own fear. Their mind closes to the possibility that you can't hack it. That they may be responsible for you failing. And while I know it's not my issue, it hurt! Today, it hurt!

Then, after I let the hurt wash over me and leave, I felt anger at the presumptuousness! Ugh! Then, I texted my best friend (we're both introverts, that's how we roll!) and drank coffee to get back to my positive place. But I wanted to share these feelings, I guess as an awareness post during heart month. To reach out to other heart warriors, and say, hey, I feel you! To reach out to people that don't live every day with a health issue to say, this is what it's like. This is why us CHDers go wild with CHD awareness posts every February! LOL! And maybe to process and to share my own perspective on a difficult situation.

I'll tell you one thing I've gained from this experience though. I'm damn grateful for the people who look at me and see my strength! The dear people in my life that allow me to struggle without viewing it as a weakness, because they see the fight in me. They allow this warrior to keep my dignity, even when I lose a battle. I so love those people in my tribe and appreciate them all the more on days like these! <3

Thursday's Thirteen Things: Let's Play Catch Up!

1. So aside from a post in January and a post in December, it has been, what? 4 years since I last posted on this blog. Time for some catch up!

2. We had 1 cat back in 2013...well...now we have 4! Crazy right? Jak is still my snuggle buddy at night, though there was an adjustment period after the tiny human came to live in his house. He did appreciate all the tiny human furniture that we bought him, though!

Jak (on the left) teaching Helix about the finer qualities of the furniture for the tiny human.

3. Binx we got in August of 2014 when we were ready to add another pet to our lives. He was just the addition that we needed! He loved our girlie pretty quickly. He brought the playful kitten out in Jak. He knocked down all the pictures off the walls of our bedroom at night...yeah...he's more of a daytime snuggler. He's talkative and sweet and social and full of personality! Just what we needed!



4. Helix was a rescue...his mom was hit by a car when he was only 4 weeks old. He was (consciously...I was aware of what I was doing) my new baby substitute. He is the softest, fluffiest kitten I have ever met. He's feisty as hell. He prefers his humans to all others. He is especially wary of the small humans. He and Jak now share duties for snuggling at night, though Helix will snuggle during the day, too. He also tries to look like Jak, but the smug of 10 years will be hard to master in such a short time.

5. Luna told Robert she was coming home with him from a call, and so she did. The owners of the house said she was a stray they couldn't take in. She followed him around and even sat on his shoulder while he fixed a furnace. Then she hopped in his van and was ready to go. Girlie and I had just read Christmas Kitten for the first time that very day, so we were willing to take in another. Luna is super social. She loves to play, loves to snuggle...um, she did not say anything about it being ok to pick her up, FYI! She actually has been snuggling our girlie at night lately. It's super sweet!




6. We are at full occupancy! This is our mantra when people tell us about animals in need. I repeat: we are at full occupancy!



7. We are homeschooling through the Waldorf tradition. Earthschooling is the curriculum that we use, and we love it! Stories, nature walks, paintings! It's fabulous! It has really reinvigorated my creativity. There are parent crafts each month. I enjoy needle felting characters for the stories we tell. I think being around children and being in the Waldorf mindset is just the thing to spark my creativity, just as it did when I was teaching. It's so fulfilling!



8. We have made some amazing friends through our journey as parents. At first, being a stay at home mom felt very isolating, but I started going to la leche league meetings and meeting moms there. From there, we've made homeschooling connections that totally enrich our lives. We've made good friends at gymnastics...I mean, having a kid is the secret to making friends as an adult! LOL! And they are socializing and making wonderful friendships too! It's awesome!

9. As I posted earlier this week, I am a Beachbody Coach as well as a homeschooling mom. I'm enjoying having something that is my own and separate from mothering, though she works out with me, and tells me to post my food in my challenge groups...so, it's all intertwined, as it should be.



10. So I finally figured out health and fitness! It was a struggle since I got pregnant. I was super worried about the strain on my heart. I was trying it all, and it just wasn't working. Challenge groups, PiYo, Shakeology, and the amazing community that I'm part of now seemed to help it click! It was amazing! My friends and family have been super supportive, and that has been amazing too! I can't describe how far I've come internally. All I can do is show progress pictures or tell you I can do more with each new workout than I could ever do before...and it still doesn't compare to the internal shift!



11. It feels good to be blogging again. I started this as a way of expressing myself, being creative, maybe even just finding my place in this world. I'm still doing all of those things, and it feels good to talk about all of it again. :)

12. I LOVE being a mother! I mean, I obviously loved it 4 years ago, when she was under one and the cutest baby I have ever seen! (Mother bias! It's allowed!) Now, I just know it is what I am meant to do. I love teaching her. I love learning from her. I love watching her learn and grow and interact with this world. She's amazing! I am so grateful to have her in my life!

13. I am IN LOVE with my amazing husband. He works hard so that I can stay home and homeschool. He supports my business. He knows how important my health and creativity are to me, and he encourages it. He reminds me to stop and rest and have fun, too! We have been hanging out and watching the show, the Arrow, on Netflix after girlie goes to bed. We have so much fun doing that. Date nights, texting through the day (seriously just deleted over a gig and half of messages between the two of us because my phone storage was full! How crazy is that?), enjoying our amazing little girl, playing board games, you name it, I love spending time with him. I'm so grateful to have him in my life!

Why I Do What I Do

Over the last year and a half, I have made it a priority to be healthy and fit. This past summer, I decided to pay it forward and become a Beachbody Coach. 

Why?
 I believe women need to be able to find their confidence in their own bodies. Our daughters need us to show them that we are comfortable enough in our own bodies to wear leggings as pants, instead of considering jeans that either fall down or dig in as the “comfortable pants.” Our children need to see our strength, courage, and determination to care for ourselves. We need to feel comfortable enough to be intimate with our partners and enjoy it! Because we all know, our heads are not going to be in that space if we are focused on criticizing our bodies. We need to dare to be ourselves and love ourselves as we are. Once that starts happening, the love and joy radiates to those we love the most and so forth. Also, there is something about trusting our bodies and nurturing our bodies that can really elevate our faith in all our endeavors. It’s hard to describe, but it is so awesome to experience and to see other people experience it in their own lives!

This is why I coach! I feel amazing, and I want to help other women do that for themselves!!! We’ve all heard the phrase, it takes a village, and it does! It feels so hard to be healthy and fit in this world right now. There are so many reasons to let our bodies go: fast food, our children need us, who has the time, the house is a mess, Facebook scrolls! But I think that makes it more necessary to be able to take time for ourselves and thrive in this world instead of just going through the motions. And we all need help to do that!!! We need our village, our tribe!!! People that love us because we love ourselves! People that support us and our need to be able to feel comfortable in our own skin. People that are fighting in the trenches alongside us. That is what I strive to provide! I hold challenge groups monthly so that people can bond with other people trying to make a healthy lifestyle work in this fast paced world of ours.

I hope that I can inspire others to invest in themselves. That’s truly what this is about. Spending a little time, money, and energy on ourselves daily in a positive, healthy way now. Making health and fitness a lifestyle now, to avoid paying insurance companies and doctors offices and the feeling of regret later. No excuse is greater than your own happiness and wellbeing! And those two things are a far greater gift to your children than martyrdom could ever be! This is a lesson I’m having to learn for myself. It’s absolutely amazing how awesome our day goes when I am feeling like enough just because I’ve taken the time to put my own mask on first. <3