Our First Yule In Our New House

Last year was a big year for us: lots of changes and more "firsts" that all culminated in celebrating our first Yule in our very own house! Like 2010, when we celebrated our first Yule as a married couple, we bought a Fraser Fir tree from Whole Foods. We decided to put it in our upstairs nook, where we could see it outside and enjoy its fragrance wafting through the whole house.

Exterior View of Yule Tree

Interior View of Yule Tree

We had many new ornaments to decorate the tree with this year.

Knitted cap ornaments from Robert's maternal grandmother.

My Flower Fairy Collection

We were also fortunate to be able to decorate with Robert's late maternal grandmother's Santa collection.

Christmas Eve day, we spent with Robert's side of our family. We had lots of fun with our nephews and all the grown ups. I prepared a fruit platter, to complement his sister's wonderful brunch of homemade waffles, scrambled eggs,  and sausage.

Yummy Brunch!

Their dog, Mattie, in deep thought

Christmas night, Robert and I went out to the movies to see New Year's Eve. We returned home to some very cute and hungry animals.

Albert and Jak on the stairs, waiting to be fed and given much attention since we went to the movies without them.

We're enjoying an after movie snack of holiday ham. Benny and Jak wanted us to share.

Albert being cute.

It was the Tenth Day of Christmas that we finally built a fire in our new fire place. It was so cozy, especially with the decorations still on the mantel.

Benny enjoying the fire after a cold walk outside.

So Cozy!

Yay! Our first fire in our very own fireplace!

The Kids Are Alright

Well, last night, we had a great night as a family. It was almost as if we all came together with the decision that we had each other, and, by George, we were going to have a good time as a family.
My MaryJanesFarm magazine came in the mail yesterday. Robert happily came upstairs to hand it to me knowing he would hear that happy surprise noise that I make. I think he also knew that it would be a great distraction and tension reliever for me. Sure enough, I finished up the laundry, and Jak and I sat down to enjoy a good read.

 Then, it was dinner time. Jak helped Robert make his mac and cheese.

Benny and Jak both thought it wise to supervise as Robert finished up his cooking and I warmed up some chili leftovers from the big pot I made last week. They know that when I cook, I often drop, and they often get treats. Of course, they see it as their job to help keep the kitchen clean. :)

Last night was the BCS National Championship Game between two SEC teams: Alabama and LSU. Since both Robert and I follow SEC teams (I am, of course, proud to be a Florida Gator while Robert follows that team up in east Tennessee) and are college football fans (me more so, he spends too much time on pro-football, in my professional, yet humble football fan opinion), we wanted to watch this game. Robert fed Benny and Jak before the game began, and he and I ate our meals at the start of the game. I very much enjoyed my meal.

After Robert and I had both finished eating, the four of us piled on the couch, snuggled together, and watched the rest of the game. Girlie even made several appearances-literally my whole stomach would lurch. It was definitely a happy family night that was worth the late bedtime. :)

Crossroads

On this day last week, Robert and I buried Albert. I remember how difficult it was to get out of bed that morning knowing it was one of the first things we would need to do. I also remember tears, endless amounts of tears from thinking of the previous night. I cannot believe it has been a week since our dear Albert passed away. Knowing that it has been a week, I find myself at a major crossroads in the grieving process. I can be angry at the universe for allowing that much time to have passed. I can continue in my fog of waiting, hoping, dreaming that this is not real. Or, I can accept the fact that my beloved Alby-Cat is really gone. I have been traversing the first two paths for the past week. They may not seem sane, but they are comfortable. The last path, the right path, is unknown, scary, and sure to be treacherous. By walking down that path, I am sure to face more tears and heartache. That path seems to say that I am turning my back on my precious Albert and all that he was to me and everyone else in this household. I'll be honest: I'm not ready for that path.
I'm not quite ready to let Albert go. That's why I haven't posted about his passing. I have a post started that's all about Albert and all that he meant to us, but I haven't been able to bring myself to finish it. I haven't taken down the Yule stockings yet, because I don't want to take down Albert's and have to decide what to do with it. Should it go back in the storage box with the others, or remain out for some unknown purpose? That's a question I don't how to answer.
I'm not ready to say goodbye. I don't know how to refer to our pets anymore. Before, I would cheekily call them "Benny and the Cats." Now, what? It's just Benny and Jak? That doesn't seem quite right. I don't know how to travel now. Jak is a car crier, but he would be fine in the crate with Albert. If we go out of town and just take Benny, that leaves Jak all alone. He's all alone in the house every time we take Benny for a walk now. He's never been all alone in the house. He's always had Albert. It's not fair that he had his brother and friend taken away from him. It's unbelievable that we lost Albert after only five years.
I keep searching for ways I could have saved him, made things different. I keep hoping that I'll be able to hold him once more, or that I'll come home to find him here just as he should be. I feel angry at myself for letting Albert down. I feel angry at the universe for taking him so young. I feel sad, and I miss my Alby-kit. I avoid looking at the positive side to this situation, because that's a betrayal to him. I hate when I find myself accepting the circumstances; again: betrayal.
Yet, I have come a long way in a week. My every dream is no longer of the nightmare of his passing. My every waking thought is no longer bound up in the thoughts that haunt the previous paragraph. Try as I might avoid them, I do have thoughts of acceptance and the positive side. Sure, I still cry for him everyday, but it's not as frequent. I can walk Benny without worrying too much for Jak being alone. I am able to laugh and play. I am grateful for Robert, Jak, and Benny and all of my family and friends that have been supportive during this time.
Jak seems to be doing ok. He's clingier than usual, but I think that's good for both of us. It allows us to comfort each other. We have been playing a lot. This morning, he went off on his own to sunbathe or look out the window or just nap, like he used to do. It wasn't for as long, maybe just 30 minutes or an hour, but it's a step back to part of his little routine. He still runs excitedly into the bathroom where we were nursing Albert those last couple of days. He often turns around with this look that seems to say, "something's missing from here." He's been a good kitty, and he seems to be adjusting. We are all taking it one day at a time around here and doing the best we can in this situation, and that's really all anyone can ask of us. Little by little, we'll be able to take that third path.

The Twelve Years of Benny

(In the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")
On the first year of Benny, my true pup came to me two days after Christmas Eve...
Before he came to live with us, I remember the four of us, my dad & two sisters, riding in the car talking about what to name him. We were thinking of gator names, of course, and Ben Hill Griffin Stadium (aka Florida Field, The Swamp) was bantered about. My sister, Erin, said we could shorten it to Benny, and his name was decided.
I was home for the holidays from my freshman year at the University of Florida. My dad drove some distance to pick him up from a Humane Society in West Virginia on December 26, 1999.
That first day, I stayed home with him and Dallas, our first cairn terrier. He was about a year old. He had no tail, which is very odd for a cairn terrier. He hid a lot; he pooped a lot; and he didn't say anything for days. When he finally did talk, he sounded like a tortured bird.
A couple of days later, he experienced his first Florida Gator football game, a bowl game no less, with the Barry family. He was sitting on the couch next to me. We all jumped up shouting about one play or another, as is customary. Well, we scared the poor little pup and he snapped at my hand, which scared me, though it didn't hurt. I think he ran and hid at least until halftime, when I had the first chance to coax him out of hiding. Even though I was the first one he "bit," he and I bonded pretty tightly while I was home from school. We continued to bond each visit home after that. When I had my first apartment in Memphis, he came to live with me. We've been inseparable ever since.

Spring 2000

Benny and Robert, Fall 2000

Benny at 13 years old

She's Ready for Her Close Up

As promised in a previous post, here are some fun ultrasound pictures of Girlie at 19 weeks:

Long legs like her daddy and easy flexibility like her mother.

Profile Picture

She wasn't fully cooperating for the previous ultrasound, so we went back the next week and scored some cute feet and profile pictures:

Profile, mouth open

Profile, mouth closed

Feet

Cutsie Feet

Robert Turns Thirty

Robert's thirtieth birthday was in October. I had spent the weekend in the Nashville area and drove home on his birthday. We celebrated that night with a dinner at Chili's, and I gave him his birthday gifts: a Titan's T-shirt and car decal that I picked up while in Nashville and tickets to see Bill Cosby the following weekend. His mom and brother came to visit, and his sister hosted a family gather in honor of his birthday, complete with a yummy chili bar. It was delicious! Our nephews even helped her to decorate his cake. We had a great time eating and visiting with everyone. Then, the following night, we totally enjoyed laughing along with Bill Cosby. It was a fun show.

We're Having a Baby!

Once again, I find myself feeling behind in my blog posting. Most of the people who read this blog probably already know, but just to point out the big pink elephant in the room: we are having a baby! It's a girl! She's due March 7, which makes me 23 weeks pregnant and happy in my second trimester. The nausea involved in trimester 1 was less than ideal. Combine that with the heavy heat of a southeastern summer and apples (big food craving) being out of season, and you had one cranky, hormonal mommy-to-be this summer. Actually, it's probably for the best that I wasn't posting overmuch at that time. Now, however, it is autumn. There are apples, and pumpkins, and squash. It is cool enough to take long walks outside without the concern of fainting from heat exhaustion. It wasn't just me either. Benny, a long time lover of the ongoing walks, refused to be outside for much more than 10 minutes at a time. Apparently, this summer was too hot for even the dogs. Fortunately, fall arrived, and we are happily out walking again.
Just for fun, I'm posting a picture from my 8 weeks ultrasound. I'll post the newer pictures in an upcoming post.

Jak is Five!

Jak's New Nap Spot

I've fallen a bit behind in my bloggety blog posting. Jak, our "littlest one," turned five years old this August. He is both the youngest and smallest of our three "furry kids." He loves mischief and getting away with mischief by being cute. He is also fond of heights and can often be found napping on the highest shelf of any room. He has found a new higher nap spot in the kitchen, since I unpacked his napping boxes. He also loves to play-especially with "curly fries" made by curling pipe cleaners and throwing them across the room for him to fetch. I think he's also a bit of a psychologist: he enjoys avidly watching his human parents swing the fishing pole style toys around in all directions trying to fling them in the most enticing way to encourage Jak to play rather than just watch as we make fools of ourselves. It seems like he is gathering data for his two research projects: how long these humans will fling around a cat toy, and how exactly each cat toy functions. He is also a sweet little kitty who loves to snuggle.

Baby Jak

Jak's Fifth Birthday

Robert's Wedding Vows

The moment you’ve all been waiting for…Robert’s Vows! Here, you can see his fun loving personality shine, and he even provided a little comic relief and earned much deserved and appreciated laughs.

          Amberly, thirteen years ago, almost to the day, our young, blossoming souls touched. I now believe, we were given a vision of our future and also received wonderful, loving memories to help us endure our hard times to come. This moment was always meant to be, but, sadly, we needed to go through the final stages of understanding ourselves, and our purposes in this world, without each other to allow us to truly cherish the blessing we would receive; the blessing we are receiving today. Then, when we desperately needed a true friend, desperately needed the strength, passion, support, and unconditional love our souls had found all those years ago, a modern miracle happened. Our souls, tired of our stubbornness, reached out and found each other in a way I had all but forgotten, AOL instant messenger. Once our souls reconnected, this moment was sealed in fate. I knew without any doubt that we had found our soul mate.

This ring signifies my approbation of my soul mate and with this gesture I promise to be your best friend, to continue striving to communicate honestly and openly, to love you unconditionally, and love no other greater then I love you, to be there when needed, to continue trying to just listen, to support you, and to respect and cherish all aspects of the woman you are; spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I promise to continue being an individual part of our union and to forever appreciate your contributions to the life we are creating for ourselves. I promise this in front of those whom we hold most dear. For today, tomorrow, and everyday to come.

Amberly's Wedding Vows

We decided to write our own vows for the ceremony, so they would be authentic and a meet the needs of the writer and recipient. I also think they portray each of our personalities and love of each other well. Like many things where our AD/HD enters the scene, these were finished last minute (well, as last minute as our more organized officiant, Tricia, could stand). Instead of polishing them up or editing them in any way, I think I’ll stay with the authenticity and present them to you in the form they were read and are kept in our wedding binder (a beloved wedding gift from Tricia). I am posting in them, like our wedding poems, in the order in which we chose to read them in the ceremony. We concluded each of our vows with the ring exchange, so I am posting those pictures as well. Enjoy!

Robert,

As the moon and the sun compliment each other in their heavenly journeys, so, too, do we thrive when our lives are united.

                        I believe you are in my life for many reasons. You have taught me how to love and accept the person I am. I promise to continue developing my individual self and offer you the same loving acceptance to continue developing yourself. Your have taught me how to play and enjoy life. I promise to keep looking for opportunities to look at life with a light heart and a curious mind. You inspire me to nurture my goals and believe in my dreams, and I offer you that same support.

                        As we have been together, I have discovered the value of openly expressing love. I promise to give affection and attention to you and your needs, while tending to my own. I promise that with you, I will continue to nurture our relationship from which many of our needs are met.

                        The moon dances through the sky in her ever-changing guises, and the sun casts his mirthful light as he steadily marches through the sky celebrating each season. They are forever circling and complimenting each other-sometimes making space for each other and sometimes being intimately close. These cycles demonstrate the natural rhythms of two individuals as they pledge with their hearts to enter into marriage. Like these cycles, this ring symbolizes the promises I make to you now and will keep forever.