Bacchus Stone: September 2012

She has grown so much this month! She is sitting really well all by herself. She has literally grown out of her size 3-6 month pjs. She's rolling over a lot now! Glad I decided not to worry about that milestone. She can scoot around on her tummy a bit. She's been eating solid foods. She's up to seven foods for her seventh month: banana, avocado, sweet potato, pear, apple, brown rice, peach. She is babbling, cooing, gurgling, yelling - lots of verbal stuff this month. She's still as happy as ever, even at the beginning stages of teething. They're still hiding out under the gums, but the two on the bottom may be emerging soon. We're enjoying the last of her cute gummy grin.
She loves sitting and playing her little piano that her Auntie E bought for her. She is also improving her reaching and grasping, so she really enjoys playing blocks in the high chair. She is starting to show affection by reaching to hold my hand or pat my face and by giving slobbery kisses on the cheeks on request. She loves kicking. As her Daddy says, she has non-stop foot and leg movement. She even rolls her little ankles and can keep a pretty decent rhythm with her feet. Maybe she'll take after her Mommy and be a dancer.

1. The contractions started around 11pm on February 27, 2012. Thanks to our Bradley Method Childbirth Classes, we knew to try to get some sleep before the real labor began.
2. With help from our doula and doula-in-training and techniques from those Bradley Classes, I made it through the first stage of labor comfortably at home.
3. We drove to the hospital around 4pm when the contractions were consistent and before rush hour hit.

4. The anesthesiologist came in right as I hit the transition between first and second stage and as I was starting to feel the self doubt that goes along with that stage. Fortunately, I had a fabulous doula and coach and I was able to hold strong. Besides, I moved into second stage before I was really able to decide anything.
5. The actual birth was definitely a lot of work, and it took me a little while of figuring out how to push effectively with the contractions. I remember a lot of emotions during that time: fear, self-doubt, determination, etc.
6. Our beautiful baby girl was born at 11:21pm on February 28, 2012. She was only 39 minutes from being a Leap Day baby. I'm glad she didn't wait, because I was definitely ready to be done with being in labor.
7. Her birth was all natural, thankfully. I hemorrhaged afterwards and they were able to use the petocin to stop the bleeding.
8. I was able to hold her right away, but it definitely wasn't long enough. They had to take her because she had fluid in her lungs and I had some tearing the doctors had to stitch up. Fortunately, Robert was able to hold her for a while through my rough patch.

9. She went to the nursery so they could watch for signs of infection, and I went to the ante-partum section of the maternity ward so they could keep an eye on my blood loss.
10. I cried myself to sleep that night. I wanted my baby more than anything else. It didn't feel fair that I did all that damn work just to have her taken from me. All I wanted was to hold my baby!
11. I did get to where I could walk and go see her the next day in the NICU. I was even able to breastfeed her a little. It was still hard not to be able to be with her all the time.

12. The absolute hardest thing I have ever done in all of my life was leave my baby at the hospital after I was released. She had to stay a full 7 days so they could administer the full course of antibiotics they started after signs of pneumonia. Fortunately, she was healthy and made it through all of that ok. I still feel so terribly sad and miserable every time I think of her in that hospital all by her self with all those tubes and monitors. In fact, this is the first I've really written about her birth, including in journals and stuff, because it is just so damn hard to think about. I'm glad I have her sitting right here beside me.
13. Despite the difficulty we faced after her birth, it is still the best thing I have ever done. I have a sense of confidence I have never felt before. I gave birth to a child naturally. Me, the one with the congenital heart defect. I gave birth to a beautiful, happy, sweet baby girl whom I cherish. I am woman! I am mother! Hear me roar!