Top Ten Things I Love About Pregnancy

10. Experiencing My Body's Many Changes
Pregnancy has been a special time to embrace my womanhood and motherhood and the body I have during this new phase of life. Body issues are so difficult to deal with, despite their apparent normalcy in our society. However, pregnancy has helped me to accept my body and all of these changes. No, I don't like the numbers on the scale ever increasing, but it's part of pregnancy and easier to accept. The acne, perspiration, stretch marks, etc. are all part of this wonderful event of creating a life. It's the most difficult favorite, but it's also pretty awesome, especially considering long term consequences like my state of mind. Hopefully, this little bit of acceptance and love that I am able to give to my growing, changing body will somehow positively effect Girlie's outlook on her body down the road.
9. Moodiness Is Understood
People readily expect and accept my emotions. At times, I have been horrified by my behavior, but, thankfully, people have gracefully accepted my apologies. Their acceptance of my moodiness has helped me to accept it. This acceptance has allowed me to be more aware of when emotions are coming. Now, I'm able to say things like, "I feel the need to cry and I don't know why." I've also been able to do things like take a nap or eat a snack to help ward off an emotional outburst. My, how I've grown. :)
8. Taking a Nap Everyday
I am one of those people that enjoys a nap. I tend to keep myself pretty busy and appreciate the times I can stop and rest. Also, my body will force a nap on me if necessary via migraines. Our pets are also very persuasive in the napping arena. Being pregnant makes napping all the more easy. I am tired more easily and a nap is seen as natural, necessary, healthy. Applying guilt or shame to being "so lazy" are a waste of energy, because naps have become necessary to avoid walking about like a zombie in the middle of the day. It's much healthier to look forward to my little daily naps and spending time cuddling with Benny and Jak.
7. Natural Lessons in Self-Care
I think it is so interesting that nature has it's own way of training a mother to take care of herself before her child is born. In the womb, Girlie doesn't eat when I eat; she eats when she needs to and takes whatever nutrients she needs. That means it's my job to supply my body with the nutrients I need. She doesn't need me to think about her in order to grow; she's doing that all by herself. It's amazing how the most important thing I do right now is taking care of myself. The better I eat, rest, relax, etc.; the healthier she will be. I think the same will apply once she is born. The better I take care of myself and meet my needs, the more I have to offer her as a mother.
6. Our Bradley Childbirth Classes
We are taking Bradley Childbirth classes to prepare ourselves for birth with the hope that we can have a natural childbirth, though compromises will likely be made due to my heart condition. We are learning so much about what to expect and how to be ready for it. It has been nice to step away from the drama around labor and birth that is so inherent in the media. We've been working together to train our bodies, minds, and emotions for this athletic event, including emergency situations. These classes have definitely brought us closer as a couple and given us more confidence that we will be able handle what is to come to the best of our abilities.
5. Imagining Who She Will Be
Will she have hair when she's born? Neither of us really had much, but they have already seen hair in an ultrasound. What color will it be? What color will her eyes be? Who will she look like? What will her personality be like? If she does any imitation of us, she'll be bossy and busy. All of her movements also indicate a busy baby. What kinds of things will she like? How will she get along with her cousins, especially N, who will be only about 4 months older? What kinds of things will she dream about? What will her ambitions be? How cute is she going to look in such-and-such outfit or when she makes a certain face? It's fun to imagine all the possibilities. It so exciting that soon some of these questions will be answered, and we will be here to support her as she changes and grows and becomes the person she is truly meant to be. I think just watching her grow is going to be fascinating, which is probably the school psychologist and teacher in me. The mother in me just wants to love her for who she is and do all I can to foster her growth and development.
4. The Love and Support of Family and Friends
We both feel so blessed during this time in our lives. So many people obviously love and support us, and we can so easily feel that emanating from them as they offer help, blessings, and enthusiasm during this time of great change in our lives.
3. Bonding With My Husband
Robert and I have known and loved each other since we were 16 years old. We haven't be a couple that entire time, but we have been through a lot together. This experience is somehow different, somehow more. We are planning for a huge change. We, of course, want the very best for our daughter. We are also so, so happy to be so close to welcoming her into our lives. With all this planning, wishing, learning, and experiencing her growing into an actual human being, how could we not be closer as a couple? It can be difficult, but it is a most beautiful time and a major milestone in our relationship and marriage.
2. Taking Baths
You would think this is kind of random in the ordering of things, especially with the sentiment involved in the previous three favorites. However, I just can't express how nice it is to slip into a nice warm tub with a good book and have so much weight (physically and metaphorically) lifted as soon as I'm in the water. Robert and I have decided that these nightly baths are crucial to my health right now. I get to literally, let go for a while and feel relaxed and ready for bed.
1. Feeling Her Move
I couldn't wait for it to happen. Robert and I would lie still for long stretches of time asking each other, "Was that her?" When I was sure it was her movements, I would stay in bed a little longer each morning just so I could feel those little movements a little longer. Even though her movements are bigger and more obvious now, I still love to sit and just experience them. Robert says he can always tell when she starts moving because of the way my face glows. It is truly a surreal experience to feel my daughter actually moving inside my body. Amazing!

Saying Goodbye to Our Alby Cat

Remembering Albert
He was my first cat, and such a delight. He loved to sit in my lap while I read, worked on curricula, or napped. We were devastated to see him go. Here are a few pictures from the early days.

September, 2006

Alby and Little Jak, October 2006

 

January, 2007

Our First Yule In Our New House

Last year was a big year for us: lots of changes and more "firsts" that all culminated in celebrating our first Yule in our very own house! Like 2010, when we celebrated our first Yule as a married couple, we bought a Fraser Fir tree from Whole Foods. We decided to put it in our upstairs nook, where we could see it outside and enjoy its fragrance wafting through the whole house.

Exterior View of Yule Tree

Interior View of Yule Tree

We had many new ornaments to decorate the tree with this year.

Knitted cap ornaments from Robert's maternal grandmother.

My Flower Fairy Collection

We were also fortunate to be able to decorate with Robert's late maternal grandmother's Santa collection.

Christmas Eve day, we spent with Robert's side of our family. We had lots of fun with our nephews and all the grown ups. I prepared a fruit platter, to complement his sister's wonderful brunch of homemade waffles, scrambled eggs,  and sausage.

Yummy Brunch!

Their dog, Mattie, in deep thought

Christmas night, Robert and I went out to the movies to see New Year's Eve. We returned home to some very cute and hungry animals.

Albert and Jak on the stairs, waiting to be fed and given much attention since we went to the movies without them.

We're enjoying an after movie snack of holiday ham. Benny and Jak wanted us to share.

Albert being cute.

It was the Tenth Day of Christmas that we finally built a fire in our new fire place. It was so cozy, especially with the decorations still on the mantel.

Benny enjoying the fire after a cold walk outside.

So Cozy!

Yay! Our first fire in our very own fireplace!

The Kids Are Alright

Well, last night, we had a great night as a family. It was almost as if we all came together with the decision that we had each other, and, by George, we were going to have a good time as a family.
My MaryJanesFarm magazine came in the mail yesterday. Robert happily came upstairs to hand it to me knowing he would hear that happy surprise noise that I make. I think he also knew that it would be a great distraction and tension reliever for me. Sure enough, I finished up the laundry, and Jak and I sat down to enjoy a good read.

 Then, it was dinner time. Jak helped Robert make his mac and cheese.

Benny and Jak both thought it wise to supervise as Robert finished up his cooking and I warmed up some chili leftovers from the big pot I made last week. They know that when I cook, I often drop, and they often get treats. Of course, they see it as their job to help keep the kitchen clean. :)

Last night was the BCS National Championship Game between two SEC teams: Alabama and LSU. Since both Robert and I follow SEC teams (I am, of course, proud to be a Florida Gator while Robert follows that team up in east Tennessee) and are college football fans (me more so, he spends too much time on pro-football, in my professional, yet humble football fan opinion), we wanted to watch this game. Robert fed Benny and Jak before the game began, and he and I ate our meals at the start of the game. I very much enjoyed my meal.

After Robert and I had both finished eating, the four of us piled on the couch, snuggled together, and watched the rest of the game. Girlie even made several appearances-literally my whole stomach would lurch. It was definitely a happy family night that was worth the late bedtime. :)

Crossroads

On this day last week, Robert and I buried Albert. I remember how difficult it was to get out of bed that morning knowing it was one of the first things we would need to do. I also remember tears, endless amounts of tears from thinking of the previous night. I cannot believe it has been a week since our dear Albert passed away. Knowing that it has been a week, I find myself at a major crossroads in the grieving process. I can be angry at the universe for allowing that much time to have passed. I can continue in my fog of waiting, hoping, dreaming that this is not real. Or, I can accept the fact that my beloved Alby-Cat is really gone. I have been traversing the first two paths for the past week. They may not seem sane, but they are comfortable. The last path, the right path, is unknown, scary, and sure to be treacherous. By walking down that path, I am sure to face more tears and heartache. That path seems to say that I am turning my back on my precious Albert and all that he was to me and everyone else in this household. I'll be honest: I'm not ready for that path.
I'm not quite ready to let Albert go. That's why I haven't posted about his passing. I have a post started that's all about Albert and all that he meant to us, but I haven't been able to bring myself to finish it. I haven't taken down the Yule stockings yet, because I don't want to take down Albert's and have to decide what to do with it. Should it go back in the storage box with the others, or remain out for some unknown purpose? That's a question I don't how to answer.
I'm not ready to say goodbye. I don't know how to refer to our pets anymore. Before, I would cheekily call them "Benny and the Cats." Now, what? It's just Benny and Jak? That doesn't seem quite right. I don't know how to travel now. Jak is a car crier, but he would be fine in the crate with Albert. If we go out of town and just take Benny, that leaves Jak all alone. He's all alone in the house every time we take Benny for a walk now. He's never been all alone in the house. He's always had Albert. It's not fair that he had his brother and friend taken away from him. It's unbelievable that we lost Albert after only five years.
I keep searching for ways I could have saved him, made things different. I keep hoping that I'll be able to hold him once more, or that I'll come home to find him here just as he should be. I feel angry at myself for letting Albert down. I feel angry at the universe for taking him so young. I feel sad, and I miss my Alby-kit. I avoid looking at the positive side to this situation, because that's a betrayal to him. I hate when I find myself accepting the circumstances; again: betrayal.
Yet, I have come a long way in a week. My every dream is no longer of the nightmare of his passing. My every waking thought is no longer bound up in the thoughts that haunt the previous paragraph. Try as I might avoid them, I do have thoughts of acceptance and the positive side. Sure, I still cry for him everyday, but it's not as frequent. I can walk Benny without worrying too much for Jak being alone. I am able to laugh and play. I am grateful for Robert, Jak, and Benny and all of my family and friends that have been supportive during this time.
Jak seems to be doing ok. He's clingier than usual, but I think that's good for both of us. It allows us to comfort each other. We have been playing a lot. This morning, he went off on his own to sunbathe or look out the window or just nap, like he used to do. It wasn't for as long, maybe just 30 minutes or an hour, but it's a step back to part of his little routine. He still runs excitedly into the bathroom where we were nursing Albert those last couple of days. He often turns around with this look that seems to say, "something's missing from here." He's been a good kitty, and he seems to be adjusting. We are all taking it one day at a time around here and doing the best we can in this situation, and that's really all anyone can ask of us. Little by little, we'll be able to take that third path.

The Twelve Years of Benny

(In the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")
On the first year of Benny, my true pup came to me two days after Christmas Eve...
Before he came to live with us, I remember the four of us, my dad & two sisters, riding in the car talking about what to name him. We were thinking of gator names, of course, and Ben Hill Griffin Stadium (aka Florida Field, The Swamp) was bantered about. My sister, Erin, said we could shorten it to Benny, and his name was decided.
I was home for the holidays from my freshman year at the University of Florida. My dad drove some distance to pick him up from a Humane Society in West Virginia on December 26, 1999.
That first day, I stayed home with him and Dallas, our first cairn terrier. He was about a year old. He had no tail, which is very odd for a cairn terrier. He hid a lot; he pooped a lot; and he didn't say anything for days. When he finally did talk, he sounded like a tortured bird.
A couple of days later, he experienced his first Florida Gator football game, a bowl game no less, with the Barry family. He was sitting on the couch next to me. We all jumped up shouting about one play or another, as is customary. Well, we scared the poor little pup and he snapped at my hand, which scared me, though it didn't hurt. I think he ran and hid at least until halftime, when I had the first chance to coax him out of hiding. Even though I was the first one he "bit," he and I bonded pretty tightly while I was home from school. We continued to bond each visit home after that. When I had my first apartment in Memphis, he came to live with me. We've been inseparable ever since.

Spring 2000

Benny and Robert, Fall 2000

Benny at 13 years old